notebook oF MEJAZ...

I'm at this pick of my life where in I ain't sure if I want to do the choices I have chosen. It's diffucult at the moment for I just want to lie down and just do nothing, do something that doesn't need much effort and will. Alam mo ung ganun? napapa-sigh na lang ako kapaginiisip ko ang mga bagay na ganto. I still am not sure if this life I live is the life I really want. What I'm sure of is that I want to live and love. I'm kinda tired of finding the right path for me. I can't settle for less, I need more. But I am scared of this life I have chosen. Sometimes the people that cross our ways aren't fit for us. I mean, I want to be somebody that is CLEAN! I'm a laid back person and I want to be that person for the rest of my life. I want peace and serenity in life. I want to be on that path. But I think it'll be hard for me to be on that stage of my life agad. I know that in this life madami talagang balakid at pagsubok upang maabot ang kung anu mang mithiin natin. Pero you know, sometimes it's just tiring to be on that position. When I dream, I dream high. Kaya nga mapanaginip ako. I want to finish whatever "THINGS" I have now. I really want to be on the page of my life where God gives my "Call" and just live it. I love God and I'm very much willing to do everything FOR Him. Sana I'll find some people who can really be there for me and just help me to reach whatever goals I have. It is annoying that some people take advantage of what life they have. Given that they have the "BEST PARENTS" but I just hate it for they doesn't appreciate it that much. It's sad that some pretend to be "GODLY" just because they are "BELIEVERS" but it is annoying that they DON'T practice what they preach. SAD that I'm totally different now. I mean, when I was younger, I love to be the CENTER of ATTRACTION. I wanted to be the STAR. But now, having all that attention given to me and having all the FAKE LOVES, the INGGITS and PANINIRA. I have come to realize that I don't need all of that! I mean, my real "PLAN" and "WANT" is that to SPREAD true LOVE through whatever things I do. I just want to inspire and just uplift the spirit of everyone I have talked to and everyone who have seen me performe. But my "SHYness" and my "INSECURITY" just keep on holding my feet under the ground. But actually, I'm also in the process where-in I need to just sit down and just listen and LEARN. Cause for now I am only a STUDENT. I really need PATIENCE that will help to just calm down and relax. For tomorrow is my TURN to just give what I have. Until now, I won't let anyone step on my toe and kick my a$$. I MUST rise up and Listen to God, to fully understand HIS praise and Love for me. Basta kung anu mang maabot ko, hindi ako magmamayabang kasi pagkatapos ng araw pantay-pantay lang naman tayo eh. Inaalay ko tong lahat ng ito sa aking mapagmahal na INA. I'm doing this because I love her very much. Kaya hindi ako susuko!!!
:)