notebook oF MEJAZ...

Yesterday was Juenese's Birthday. Ang araw na iyon ay naging isang malaking turning point sa buhay ko. Kasi noong gabi nung araw na yun ay ako'y nag-misa and the homily of Father is such a wonderful teaching. I'm not bitter anymore. Or at least try not to. Father talks about MERCY. About how Jesus turn His back to the "society" by spending His time to the marginalized and sinners. Like Matthew, one of His disciples, a tax collector. He accepted Him just like everyone, He loved him without wanting anything in return. Like Judas, the one who turned back at Him. He just keep on loving him. Nakakalungkot that I am/was part of the SOCIETY. Someone who choose his friends, someone who is choosy with the people around him, someone who wants to be high or someone who is prideful. After the homily is finished, I texted one of the people who have become a very special person in my life, Benjo. Gaya ng dati naming iniative texts laging pangalan ang itini-text namin. "benjo." I texted him. He replied "bkt?" I replied, "Musta?" After that he didn't answer me back. It's just sad because I'm trying to become this Human being that is very Holy. I, wanting to become Jesus. And I know that in someways I NEED to be HIM. Nalulungkot ako for I become very hopeless. Wanting the friendship to be back. Wanting someone that doesn't seem to exist anymore. I'm sad. very SAD. melancholy. I'm disappointed in myself, kasi Father instructed us to reconcile with someone that become part of the past. He also told us that the true essence of MERCY is to love someone who doesn't give back the love we need. To care for the people that doesn't deserve our care. Irony it seems. Well his memory still exists. And until the day I die his presence will be with me. I wrote once on my secret journal that: "I don't want that the day will come that I won't recognize his name anymore."

Whatever it is that he's in to, I just want him to know that he'll always be a brother to me.