notebook oF MEJAZ...

got me out here in the water so deep.

2008-08-18T23:35:32+08:00

well.. somehow may progress na naman po sa mga ginawa kong kasamaan sa mundo.. somehow binabawi ko na sya.. but I think it's still not enough to cover everything up.. Well should I???
I Love Myself and hopefully, I'll learn how to be sober from the things that bothers me. I know na may kapalit lahat ng mga ito, someday. Well, sana naman wala, si Kris Aquino na mismo nagsabi, na God's Blessing ang dumadating sa atin at hindi sya nagbibigay ng masamang kapalit.. Sana nga..
Please Pray for my quick recovery from being dirty to clean..
I Love God.

na-miss kita.

2008-08-16T10:07:28+08:00

Well. hi.. kamusta ka?! ako mejo nahihilo na naman ako sa mga pangyayari sa buhay ko. Feeling ko hindi na ako ung James na dating inaalagaan ko ung image and everything. Feeling ko ang sama-sama ko kasi first, I'm lazy studying!!! And what's worst is that I cheat!!! Umaasa ako sa mga kaklase ko. Masakit sa pakiramdam kasi integrity ko ung nakasalalay.. I hate pa naman Cheaters!!! argh. I hate myself. Ito pa I LIE A LOT!!! Grabe.. I just can't believe it pero grabe ako magsinungaling.. naiirita ako sa sarili ko!!! PEKLAT!!! ano ba naman toh?! Ung pagsisinungaling ko madaming naapektuhan. Hai. I'm Immature din this days.. I want to really be Mature na talaga, but my childish ways ay bumabalik sa akin. I hate it!!!
Ito pa I don't know what I want in life? I'm confused! I know I do the things because I want to. Pero ewan ko ba!!! Tapos may problema pa ako interms of TIME MANAGEMENT!!! bakit ganun gusto ko laging magpakasaya?! hay..
Pero I think after all hindi nyo na rin ako masisisi, I'm emotionally tormented. I'm broken inside. Ang daming nawawala sa buhay ko.. I'm sad.. I Just don't know where to stay.. I miss everyone.. I miss the people that I am with before..='(.. Hindi ko alam kung anung nangyayari na sa akin.. I'm lost..

But what's good about me is that I still have that eagerness to change the bad doings of this world. Ang pangit lang kasi ginagawa ko din ung BAD doings eh. hay.. But I still want to see the world in a different side. I want to explore. I want to be Happy..

let's just forget the past.

2008-07-15T22:23:47+08:00

CAN WE?! ayoko na kasing masaktan eh. ayoko na!
let's just not fool ourselves.
you don't need me. pwede ba!

ashes.

2008-07-07T10:03:57+08:00

1.Best place to cry?
~*Shower.
2. The things you love the most.
~*gadgets at gitara ko
3.Tell us your dream last night.
~*hindi ko maalala
4. Ever hate someone so bad?
~*oo naman.
5. The biggest lie you heard?
~*Bible is the best fiction
6. What's the worst thing you've ever done?
~*ewan?
7. Are you a varsity in your school?
~*nope
8. Wanna be someone else than yourself?
~*not now.
9. Be honest, last night, before you went to sleep, who sent you the last two text messages?
~*kyle at globe. haha
10. Last time you cried?
~*kagabi.
11. Biggest crush?
~*KC C.
12.Last mall you went to?
~*shang lazaro
13. Last memorable song that you've heard?
~*come home.
14. Last person who hates you?
~*malay
15. Biggest lie you said?
~*ewan.
16. What do you wanna say to someone that you love?
~*kamusta?
17. Who do you think are the hottest guys on the planet?
~*ako.
18. What do you want to eat right now?
~*ice cream
21. What's on your mind?
~*business
22. What is it that you REALLY should be doing right now?
~*take a bath
23. Have you brushed your teeth today?
~*yes
25. What movie did you last see?
~*wanted.
26. Honestly, are you a good friend?
~*yes.
27. Honestly, do you really think going to school is important?
~*yes.
28. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
~*happy environment
29. Honestly, what makes you so sad about right now?
~*hindi pag-accept ng family ko sa PETA
30. Honestly, how old are you now?
~*16
31.Honestly, what song are you listening to right now?
~*Naked as we came
32. Honestly, who do you want to meet at this very moment?
~*Jesus.
34. Honestly, do you have a deadly disease?
~*wala naman.
35. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
~*no.
36. Honestly, who/what do you wanna hug?
~*parents ko.

sigh-ness

2008-06-27T20:54:42+08:00

Do I need to expect something in return?
Am I a friend or a stranger?
Should I really need to risk something for me to gain something?
Is it worth the fight?
Ayoko ng ganito.
I'm sad. Hindi toh healthy for me. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Especially my friends.
but if this is what God plans to challenge me. I'm game for the battle.

I won't hesitate no more no more

2008-06-18T16:55:23+08:00

1. Do you hate being alone?
` sometimes.
2. Do you know anyone named Chris?
` yup.
3. Ever kissed anyone with a name
starting with M?
` Mommy?
4. Do you have any siblings?
` yes.
5. Do you look alike?
` NO. as in kahit resemblance.
6. What color are the walls in your
bedroom?
` cloudy yellow.. meron ba nun? basta ung effect.
8. Are you named after a grandparent?
` no.
9. Are you a heavy sleeper?
` not really
10. Who did you last hug?
` sheila. haha!
11. What's a sure way to catch your
attention?
` madapa ka!
12. Do you find it easier to forgive
or forget?
` forget is easier.
13. What are you listening to?
` Fight is over
16. Who was the last person to send
you a text message?
` wis-ness
18. Do you like to read?
` yup.
19. Are you jealous?
` sometimes
20. What made you smile today?
` marami
21. What did you do today?
` nakinig sa aking mga guro
22. What did you do yesterday?
` ganun din
23. What's the first thing you would
do with a Billion dollars?.
` honestly? I'll keep some for my parents and I would HELP fight poverty.
25. How many hours did you sleep for
last night?
` 5-6.
26. Who was the last person you had a
sleep over with?
` my cousins.
27. Who's the last person that creeped
you out?
` bek2. tagal na rin.. haha
28. Do you like your school?
` not really
29. What jewelry are you wearing?
` wala ako
30. Anything fun happened today?
` madami.
31. Anything bad happened today?
` wala naman.
33. Are you mad at anyone?
` no.
34. shoes and bag
` are lovely
35. Have you cried today?
` no.
36. Do you think that someone is
thinking about you right now?
` OO naman.. haha
37. Do you have shoes on?
` noir
38. Whats the closest thing to you
` love
39. Do you get annoyed easily?
` hindi naman.
40. Do you like someone?
` yes
41. What are you going to do this
weekend?
` punta sa family event and simba
42. Are you good at saving money?
` hindi.
43. What should you be doing right now?
` punta sa peta
44. Do you have a tattoo?
` wala PA. haha
45. What are you missing?
` I miss the simple yet happy moments of the past. ='(
46. Is there a secret you've never
told your bestfriend?
` oo naman.
47. Have you ever told someone you
hated them?
` oo naman.
48. Have you ever changed your clothes
in the car?
` oo naman.
49. What are you doing in 2020?
` I'm eating.
50. What/who makes you happy at this
moment?
` God.

mercy.

2008-06-09T21:17:10+08:00

Yesterday was Juenese's Birthday. Ang araw na iyon ay naging isang malaking turning point sa buhay ko. Kasi noong gabi nung araw na yun ay ako'y nag-misa and the homily of Father is such a wonderful teaching. I'm not bitter anymore. Or at least try not to. Father talks about MERCY. About how Jesus turn His back to the "society" by spending His time to the marginalized and sinners. Like Matthew, one of His disciples, a tax collector. He accepted Him just like everyone, He loved him without wanting anything in return. Like Judas, the one who turned back at Him. He just keep on loving him. Nakakalungkot that I am/was part of the SOCIETY. Someone who choose his friends, someone who is choosy with the people around him, someone who wants to be high or someone who is prideful. After the homily is finished, I texted one of the people who have become a very special person in my life, Benjo. Gaya ng dati naming iniative texts laging pangalan ang itini-text namin. "benjo." I texted him. He replied "bkt?" I replied, "Musta?" After that he didn't answer me back. It's just sad because I'm trying to become this Human being that is very Holy. I, wanting to become Jesus. And I know that in someways I NEED to be HIM. Nalulungkot ako for I become very hopeless. Wanting the friendship to be back. Wanting someone that doesn't seem to exist anymore. I'm sad. very SAD. melancholy. I'm disappointed in myself, kasi Father instructed us to reconcile with someone that become part of the past. He also told us that the true essence of MERCY is to love someone who doesn't give back the love we need. To care for the people that doesn't deserve our care. Irony it seems. Well his memory still exists. And until the day I die his presence will be with me. I wrote once on my secret journal that: "I don't want that the day will come that I won't recognize his name anymore."

Whatever it is that he's in to, I just want him to know that he'll always be a brother to me.

punan ang mga bakanteng linya

2008-05-26T17:40:35+08:00

COMPLETE THE SENTENCE..

1. "sana ____ ngayon!"
★ umayos na ang buhay ng mga Pilipino
2. "masarap ____ sa kama"
★ matulog
3. "natatakot akong ____"
★ mahiwalay kay God
4. "gusto kong makita at makasama si
____"
★ Mommy..
5. "hay, gusto ko nang ____"
★ maligo
6. "gusto kong kumain ng ____"
★ pasta.
7. "si doraemon ay _____"
★ masayahin.
8. "masarap tumambay sa _____"
★ bahay ng ibang tao.
9. "masayang-masaya ako nung makita ko
si______"
★ Avril Lavigne.
10. "mahilig akong _____"
★ magbasa
11. "ang pinakaweirdong bagay na nagawa
ko ay_______"
★ ang lahat ng bagay na ginawa ko!
12. "dapat pinagbabawal ang _______"
★ Kademonyohan sa MUNDO!
13. "ang emo ay ______"
★ si ELMO
14. "ang goth ay _____"
★ STIG
15. "ang punk ay ______"
★ sunk.
16. "si sarah geronimo ay ______"
★ kumakanta by now.
17. "si GMA ay_______"
★ Kurakot.
18. "ang southpark ay _____"
★ hindi northpark
19. "si Barney ay ______"
★ nakakatakot
20. "ang pagsabi ng bad words ay _____"
★ itigil na!
21. "ang hindi pagtupad sa pangako ay
_____"
★ pangakong napako.
22. "kung ako'y isang pagkain, ako ay
isang____"
★ ampalaya. BITTER!
23. "gusto kong umapak sa planetang
_____"
★ timbuktu.
24. "masaya ako kase _____"
★ buhay ako!
25. "dati, ako ay isang ____"
★ maliit na nilalang.
26. "pero, _____"
★ artistahin.
27. "kaya, ______"
★ maglalaba ako ng labada ng buong bayan!
28. "aaminin ko na isa akong _______"
★ ARTISTA.
29. "ang pinakamataas kong narating ay
ang______"
★ pagsakay ko sa eroplano at naabot ang clouds.
30. "ang masasabi ko sa aking career
ngayon ay_____"
★ ahhhm. masaya.
31. "iboto natin si_____ bilang
presidente!"
★ JAMES>.<
32. "gusto ko ng _____"
★ magdasal.
33. "ngayon-ngayon lang, naalala kong
______"
★ mag-text

Have you seen...

2008-05-25T18:25:21+08:00

yourself?
It somewhat annoying that everyone's fighting for them to become famous, powerful and wealthy. I HATE people who pretends to be someone their not. The pa-tweetumps POSES, the being NICE effect and the never ending na YABANG kills everyone of us. It slowly burns us into ashes. When the time comes, it's possible that we see ourselves dead with all the "PRETENSIONS" that we have in our bodies. The TRYING HARD things that the society brings are just ANNOYING!!! People tend to have too much angsts and ego that they may see that they're the most powerful HUMAN BEINGS!!! It's just sad that if this kind of society we'll continously have then EVIL might reign. Hay.. itigil na sana ng mga tao ang pagiging isang malaking FEEL-ER!!!
=D.
Love you GOD!

not so sure.

2008-05-22T21:14:28+08:00

I'm at this pick of my life where in I ain't sure if I want to do the choices I have chosen. It's diffucult at the moment for I just want to lie down and just do nothing, do something that doesn't need much effort and will. Alam mo ung ganun? napapa-sigh na lang ako kapaginiisip ko ang mga bagay na ganto. I still am not sure if this life I live is the life I really want. What I'm sure of is that I want to live and love. I'm kinda tired of finding the right path for me. I can't settle for less, I need more. But I am scared of this life I have chosen. Sometimes the people that cross our ways aren't fit for us. I mean, I want to be somebody that is CLEAN! I'm a laid back person and I want to be that person for the rest of my life. I want peace and serenity in life. I want to be on that path. But I think it'll be hard for me to be on that stage of my life agad. I know that in this life madami talagang balakid at pagsubok upang maabot ang kung anu mang mithiin natin. Pero you know, sometimes it's just tiring to be on that position. When I dream, I dream high. Kaya nga mapanaginip ako. I want to finish whatever "THINGS" I have now. I really want to be on the page of my life where God gives my "Call" and just live it. I love God and I'm very much willing to do everything FOR Him. Sana I'll find some people who can really be there for me and just help me to reach whatever goals I have. It is annoying that some people take advantage of what life they have. Given that they have the "BEST PARENTS" but I just hate it for they doesn't appreciate it that much. It's sad that some pretend to be "GODLY" just because they are "BELIEVERS" but it is annoying that they DON'T practice what they preach. SAD that I'm totally different now. I mean, when I was younger, I love to be the CENTER of ATTRACTION. I wanted to be the STAR. But now, having all that attention given to me and having all the FAKE LOVES, the INGGITS and PANINIRA. I have come to realize that I don't need all of that! I mean, my real "PLAN" and "WANT" is that to SPREAD true LOVE through whatever things I do. I just want to inspire and just uplift the spirit of everyone I have talked to and everyone who have seen me performe. But my "SHYness" and my "INSECURITY" just keep on holding my feet under the ground. But actually, I'm also in the process where-in I need to just sit down and just listen and LEARN. Cause for now I am only a STUDENT. I really need PATIENCE that will help to just calm down and relax. For tomorrow is my TURN to just give what I have. Until now, I won't let anyone step on my toe and kick my a$$. I MUST rise up and Listen to God, to fully understand HIS praise and Love for me. Basta kung anu mang maabot ko, hindi ako magmamayabang kasi pagkatapos ng araw pantay-pantay lang naman tayo eh. Inaalay ko tong lahat ng ito sa aking mapagmahal na INA. I'm doing this because I love her very much. Kaya hindi ako susuko!!!
:)